Unwinable Situations
One thought that has been on my mind for a while is the idea of un-win-able situations. Circumstances in which even if you succeed in your goal, there is no good outcome. As someone who has a tendency to try to problem-solve my way out of negative situations, it’s taken me a while to accept that there isn’t a solution to every problem. Sometimes the only option is to sit with the unresolvable. To accept it and move on.
I’m sure there are countless examples of unwinable situations but some of the most common ones that come to mind are:
Getting promoted doing work you hate - By work I mean the activity of your job, not the company. The latter can change. Money and status can soothe the discontent, but if most of your waking hours are spent intellectually engaging with something you dislike, this tends to have a negative ripple effect on many aspects of your being. This is doubly true if you’re acting out of alignment with your values. Designing a life you don’t want is to design your own unhappiness. You cannot win at a game that you don’t want to be playing.
Investing in relationships that aren’t reciprocated - Expending energy into trying to build, change or repair a relationship, that is not being reciprocated at the same level, is unwinable. The relationship will always be lopsided, filled with some degree of sorrow or resentment. Camaraderie and respect is a two person endeavour. This is as true for your manager and colleagues as it is for your social life. Be civil. Do what you need to do to maintain your inner peace but don’t over-invest. To quote the meme, “if they wanted to they would”.
Stalling the tide of technological change - Striking train drivers in the UK are demanding assurances they will not be replaced by driverless trains. Hollywood writers want to forbid the use of AI in screenwriting. Both attempts are futile. The technology already exists. Since the dawn of time, how we conduct our work has always depended on the tools available. Jobs change and disappear. New ones are created. While extensional questions about the ethics of AI and tech more generally should be considered, attempting to preserve jobs in which a human no longer provides a benefit is an unwinable situation. The better solution is to surf the waves of change, and to decide your direction.
Many situations where I’ve found myself stuck or unhappy have been due trying to change an unwinable situation. Often I didn’t even realise I was in one. If you find yourself in a situation which is a constant struggle ask yourself can it be solved and more importantly is it worth solving?